KERI VS. WILDLIFE

keri vs the snake

dangit - forgot to take a picture.

i saw a snake slithering across our lane on saturday. so naturally i gunned it and managed to run it over. score! i sped to the house, yelled for hallie to get her shoes on so we could take a look. my mom grabbed henry in the stroller and we ran down to look at the dying snake. EXCITING.

it was writhing around and made me really sad to watch, so mom grabbed the hoe and hacked it in little pieces and flung it on the side of the road. SO GROSS.

score: keri 1, wildlife 0

keri vs the raccoon

i managed to shut a raccoon in our garage. don't ask me how - when i went to shut the garage doors at 7:30pm, i swear it wasn't in there. i heard banging and clanging around 9pm and when i opened the door there it was. and there it went. underneath dave's lawn mower in the corner of the garage AND I COULD NOT GET IT OUT.

at one point i was ready to throw in the towel. there's only so many times you can poke it with a fishing pole, the handle of the garden hoe (that hoe saw a lot of action this weekend!) and a baseball bat. and yet, it remained. under the lawn mower. not. cool.

i even tried to start the mower to move it and let me tell you what - have you ever tried to start a lawn mower knowing that there is a wild animal with possible diseases right underneath you? (probably not) my skin was crawling and my hair was standing on end. luckily it wouldn't start because oh my gosh can you imagine?

finally, at some point, i couldn't see it anymore. whew! it managed to escape. great.

score: keri 2, wildlife 0

WAIT A MINUTE. NOT SO FAST.

let's fast forward not to 1:40am. something is scratching at the door from the garage, like it's trying to turn the door handle. what the HECK? but i knew. RACCOOOOOOON.

sure enough, i crack open the door and it is literally sitting on the steps, looking at me. i screamed and made a shoo-ing motion and it ran away. directly underneath the lawn mower AGAIN. JUST KILL ME NOW.

it took me a half an hour. A HALF OF AN HOUR to get that stupid thing out of the garage. i poked it and poked it and POKED that stupid thing a million times with the end of a fishing pole and it wouldn't budge. i was out for blood by this point and if i had a gun there would have been bullet holes in the walls and dave's lawn mower would have never been the same again.

near the end, it took off like it was going to finally exit the garage. but noooo, at the last minute it changed direction, hopped up on my gardening cart and scaled THE WALL until it was ON TOP OF THE OPEN GARAGE DOOR I KID YOU NOT.

and that is when i ran to grab my camera.

but you really can't tell - but it's up there!

i pushed the button to close the garage door, it fell and ran off with zoey hot on its heels. i hope zoey ripped it to shreds and i don't feel one tiny bit bad about that.

especially when i woke up and realized it had taken a dump in the stroller and also on the bench.

keri 1, wildlife ONE MILLION.