Last night I had to remind myself that I really, really, really wanted to get pregnant. That I took my temperature, tried herbs, tests and good timing...all to have what I have now. A precious life growing inside of me.
Because last night I was not grateful. I was not counting my blessings. At all. I was grumpy. I didn't want to cook. I didn't want to clean my messy house. I was mad that Dave was being messy and both were being loud and I just needed a time out.
So I sent them outside while I cleaned the kitchen. Which always makes me feel better (nothing better than a clean kitchen!). And then I bundled up and went outside to snuggle on the porch swing with my daughter while we watched Dave hit golf balls over the pond.
And I started counting. I have a whole bunch of blessings. Lots and lots. And then I felt better. And then we watched Parenthood and I cried because they were talking about all sorts of issues that I never want to have to deal with for Hallie, but know that I probably will. And then I had a really weird dream about taking a walk with Hallie up our gravel driveway, having one contraction and delivering on the side of the driveway with only Hallie there to help. Weird.
And then I woke up enjoying the rain and the stormy weather.